everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize