He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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