Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
