Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
