yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
