Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Two words: nipple clamps
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