OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the day after is always just damage control
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
