Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
