I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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