I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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