Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If I die, sorry about rent.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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