I wanna bring you to show and tell
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
