OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
