hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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