What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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