If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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