He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
