So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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