you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
