I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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