Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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