What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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