What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
