they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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