batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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