Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
