dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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