Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
