There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
