Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
