How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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