The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
