Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
