the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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