i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
