proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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