STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize