I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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