apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
