Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize