I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
