I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
