Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
