Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize