So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
do herpes really smell.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
