direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize