Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
