I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
