im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
