If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
