you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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