I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
