when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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