how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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