Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
