i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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