you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Randomize