I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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