Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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