dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
My life is pants optional.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize