people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
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