the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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