I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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