you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
