No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
