Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
