i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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