I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
you had me at cake vodka
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
