proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
