oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
