I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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