Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
