there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I just blew my weed a kiss
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
