Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
