So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
