Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
