Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
